


Want You So Bad It Hurts

by Aria_Lerendeair



Category: Marvel Avengers Movies Universe, The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Holy cow this was fun and awesome to write, I don't know what it is with these two, I tried to make it porn and it didn't quite work, M/M, Steve and Tony are hilarious and feelsy, Too many feels for their own good, Ugh all of the feels, get together and save the world
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-14
Updated: 2012-10-14
Packaged: 2017-11-16 07:43:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/537130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aria_Lerendeair/pseuds/Aria_Lerendeair
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Inspired by the wonderful fiction "please let me get what I want (this time)" written by theapplepielifestyle.  Loki has unleashed Asgardian magic that is going to destroy the eastern seaboard.  The only way to stop it is for whoever the magic has focused on to get what their hearts greatest desire is.  The curse chose Tony Stark, who wants the one thing he could never have.  Captain Steve Rogers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Want You So Bad It Hurts

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [please let me get what I want (this time)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/496235) by [theappleppielifestyle](https://archiveofourown.org/users/theappleppielifestyle/pseuds/theappleppielifestyle). 



> I love theapplepielifestyle's fic. So, so much. A friend and I read it together and the killer thing about it was that inspiration for this just hit me so hard afterwards it almost left me reeling. 
> 
> The idea that if it happened to Tony, unlike Steve, he would know what he wanted immediately and that he could never have it because of HOW he wanted it. It curled into my brain and would not go away, no matter what I did. So, I decided to write this, and theapplepielifestyle gave me permission to post it up!
> 
> I do have to toss out a huge thank you to Teegee, who cheerleaded me the entire way through this! I love her so much for it! <3 This fic, as with most of mine, wouldn't happen without you!

They shouldn't be surprised. They really shouldn't. Of course Loki was going to try to destroy the world again. Of course. Except the curse was some kind of ancient Asgardian magic that Loki had unleashed and now couldn't control.

Tony glanced at Steve and watched him massage his temples. His fingers inched with the urge to do it himself, so he pulled out his phone instead.

"Why should we believe anything you tell us?"

He glanced at the video feed of Fury attempting to interrogate Loki. He wasn't getting anywhere. Time to intervene, and enjoy the horrified expression on Steve's face when he did.

“Hey Reindeer games, decide to try to end the world in a different way this time around?”  Yup.  The horrified expression on Steve’s face really was priceless.  

He watched Loki look up at the camera and smirk like he could see him. A chill went up his spine and he wished he were wearing the armor.

"Is that you Tony? Here to offer me another drink? Or to threaten me again?"

Tony narrowed his eyes. Calm. He needed to be calm.  Putting on the suit and blasting Loki into the next century would not save Pepper or the whole eastern seaboard. "Not this time Loki. Maybe next time we can have Mai Tai's and chat about our boyfriends." And there was Steve's confused look, the wrinkling of the forehead. He turned away from the camera.

"Don't you want to know what the curse is Tony? You'll find it interesting, I'm sure."

"No thanks reindeer games. I have had more than enough experience with you. I'm all cursed out." Tony shot back, glancing at the video. He would not look at Steve. He couldn't. The Disapproving Frown was there full force.

"Oh, but it chose you. The whole curse sits on you Tony Stark."

He heard everyone on the bridge stop and look at him. It was easy to feel their stares, almost a physical weight on him.  "Well, good thing. If I am willing to fly a nuke into space to stop your invading army, I am sure I can battle this curse."

Loki laughed, throwing his head back. "Such bravado! You will not be so ready when I tell you what you must do."

Tony raised an eyebrow. "Lay it on me. What do I have to do? Create a better Einstein-Rosen Bridge? Privatize world peace? Wait, I think I did that second one already." He caught sight of a few smiles and smirked.

"What do you want most in the world Tony Stark?" Loki's lips curled into a smirk. "What do you want so badly that you could never let yourself have it? A want so strong that the most ancient of Asgardian magics has latched on to it, leaving you to decide the fate of millions?"

He stared at the camera, his brain spinning.  There had to be some way around what Loki was telling him, some other secret, some way around it.  There was always a loophole.  Always.  He had to find it and exploit it so he never had to ask or know or-

“There is no way around it Tony.  I can feel your mind from here.  The only way to stop the curse is to get the one thing you have always wanted, but could never allow yourself to have.”  Loki settled back into the chair and stared at the camera.  “Thirty-eight hours and twelve minutes Tony Stark.  Tick tock.”  

Tony didn’t say anything.  He stared at the camera and slowly unclenched his hands.  He didn’t look at Fury, or Steve, or the other Avengers.  “Evacuate the eastern seaboard.  I will call Pepper.  Every Stark resource will be at your disposal.  Start now.”  

“Tony, what are you talking about, what is it you want, I’m sure that-”

Loki interrupted Steve.  “It’s torture, isn’t it Tony?  Wanting what you do, having it so close and yet always out of your reach.  You know exactly what it is.  You don’t need to think about it, you don’t need to chose which want is greater.  You know.  You knew the second I said something, didn’t you?”  Loki stood up and paced closer to the camera.  “The man who has everything.  What does he want?”  He sneered and sat back down, crossing his legs and reclining in the chair.  “Thirty-eight hours and two minutes now Tony Stark.”  

“Tony?”  

Tony took a deep breath and turned to face Steve.  He tried to force a small smirk onto his face and failed.  “Yeah Cap?”  

Steve studied Tony and frowned.  “What is it you want?”  

He turned away.  “It doesn’t matter.  We need to go evacuate the east coast.”  He walked towards the door at the back of the bridge.  “We don’t have long.  We need to get as many people out as we possibly can.”  

“You’re not even going to tell us-”

“It doesn’t matter!”  Tony snarled, turning to face Steve again.  “Do you understand?  It doesn’t matter.  What I want, I can’t have.  Especially now.  That’s why he’s so happy!”  He pointed to the computer screen, glaring at it.  “He knows.  He knows he’s ruined the chance for me to get what I want.  So evacuate the eastern seaboard and be done with it.”  

Steve tried again.  “Tony please, at least tell us-”  

“No!  I am not going to tell you!”  Tony raised his voice, hating himself as he did.  There were plenty of people staring at them now.  

Loki’s voice echoed in the room, from more than one speaker.  “What does the great Tony Stark want so badly he isn’t even willing to tell his teammates?”  

“Love.”  Natasha’s voice echoed in the room.  “The man who has everything, who has a want powerful enough to outshine Steve’s desire to return to the past, my desire for vengeance, and Coulson’s for harmony." She ignored the glare she got from Tony and raised her chin. "Tell me I am wrong."

He couldn't. That  was the problem. That was truly the problem. "The minutes are ticking down kiddies. We had better get going." Tony pulled out his phone and immediately put Jarvis to work. He left the room. He needed to call Pepper.

Steve looked to Bruce, Natasha, Clint and then to Fury. "Why do I get the feeling you all know something about this that I don't?"

Clint frowned and looked at his feet. Lying to an American Icon felt wrong. Very wrong. "He probably wants Pepper. But they left each other, right? That doesn't keep someone from wanting."

Natasha glared at Clint. "Steve, go talk to him and see what you can find out. He needs to tell us."

Steve nodded. "All right." He frowned and made his way after Tony.

Bruce watched him go, closing his eyes and sighing quietly.  Tony didn’t want Pepper.  Well, he did, but not as his lover.  He wanted the one person he couldn’t have.  Captain Steve Rogers.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tony took a deep breath and called Pepper. His hands shook.

"Tony, you just interrupted a board meeting, one you promised me you would attend I might add and-"

"Pep. Stop."

Pepper stopped mid-word.  “All right.”  She took a deep breath.  “What is going on Tony?”  

“I-I need you to do something for me.”  Tony rubbed his forehead, clenching his eyes shut.  

Her voice dropped lower.  “Tony, what’s wrong?  Just tell me, and I’ll fix it.  I’ll find some way to make it right.  I promise.  No matter what happened.”  

“Pepper, the eastern seaboard is going to be destroyed in less than forty hours.  We need, I need you to help organize an evacuation.  Jarvis has already started, alerting all the authorities.  Work with him.  Get as many people out as you can.  Please.”  Tony swallowed hard.  “Then get away.  I want to make sure you are safe.”  

Pepper took a deep breath.  “What’s being done to prevent it?  To stop it?  What are you all doing?”  

“We’re going to help with the evacuation.  Get as many people out as possible.”  

“What aren’t you telling me Tony?”  Pepper asked, her fingers flying over the keyboard.  “There’s something.  I know there’s something.”  

Of course Pepper would be able to see.  Or hear, rather.  She always knew.  “It’s all on me Pep.  It’s some stupid curse Loki unleashed.  I fucking HATE magic.  It chose me.  Because, because-”  Tony felt his throat close up.  Because he wanted.  Because his want was so strong that it had to chose him.  

“What do you need to do?  Tell me and I’ll do it for you.”  Pepper demanded, her hands shaking violently.  “Tell me Tony.”  

“Because I want something so bad, so bad that I could never let myself have it.  The curse wants to give me what I want.”  Tony exhaled and sank into one of the chairs in the empty conference room.  “What I want more than anything else in the entire world.  If I don’t get what I want, the eastern seaboard will be destroyed.”  

“But Tony-”

“Please Pep.  Just evacuate the eastern seaboard.  It’ll never happen, no matter how much I want it.  It can’t.  Especially now.”  Tony rubbed his eyes angrily.  

“Explain Tony.”  Pepper used the tone that Tony could never argue with.  

“Pepper...”  Tony whined, his face falling.  “I can’t.”  

“Tony.”  

He flinched and looked at the phone.  “I hate that you can do that.”  

“Tony.”

“I...I can’t have him.  Even if, even if I told him, he’d be with me because he wanted to save all those people.  Not for me.  Not for the reasons I want.  So we’re fucked.  It won’t work.  Either way.  I don’t get what I want.  So please....please...get away.  Stay safe.  Help as many people as you can.”  Tony heard a sound outside the door and held the phone up to his ear again.  “I gotta go.  Bye Pep.  Stay safe.”  

He hung up on her and stood up, straightening his jacket.  “All right, I know Clint or Natasha isn’t out there.  You’re making too much noise.  Come in already.”

Steve opened the door, unable to look at Tony. Maybe Tony wouldn't realize he had heard everything. And that he was stupidly jealous of whoever Tony wanted. It was probably Bruce. They were always together, they were both brilliant, of course it was Bruce.  He should have seen that coming a long time ago.  Bruce was everything he could never be.  Fully adapted into this world, a genius on Tony’s level.  Of course Tony wanted him.  "Natasha sent me after you."

He sighed.  “Of course she did.  What does she want Cap?  We need to get the message out, I’ve already started with Pepper and Jarvis, we need to get ourselves to work-”

“Are you okay Tony?”  Steve blurted out, walking closer to him.  

Tony stopped and blinked at Steve, at how close he was and how much of Steve was suddenly so close to him.  “Huh?”  

“Are you okay?”  He repeated, watching Tony’s reactions.  He reached out and rested his hands on Tony’s shoulders and squeezed.  “We all jumped on you and wanted to know something we don’t have any right to.  I’m sorry about that.”  

His mouth went dry and he stared at Steve’s face before dropping his gaze to somewhere around his neck.  Tony knew if he kept looking into those baby blues, he was going to spill everything.  “It’s fine Steve.  I mean, hell, the fate of the eastern seaboard is a pretty good reason to demand to know something.”  

“That doesn’t make it right Tony.  I’m sorry.”  Steve hesitated.  How much to ask?  “This is the last time I will ask.  That any of us will even mention it.  Are you absolutely certain that you can’t have whatever it is that you want?”  

He closed his eyes and sighed.  “It’s not just about wanting it and getting it.  It’s how I want it that is the bigger problem.”  

Steve’s voice was quiet and soft.  “What do you mean?”  

“If I were to tell you what I want, which, fine, I’ll own up to it.  I want someone.  At this point, if I tell him-”  He opened his eyes and glanced up at Steve for a negative reaction, but Steve didn’t flinch.  “If I tell him how I feel, he will feel obligated to be with me to save all of those people.  That isn’t what I want, so the curse wouldn’t stop.”  

“What is it you really wanted Tony?  Will you tell me?”  Steve asked, still holding onto Tony’s shoulders, wanting nothing more in the world than to drag Tony into his arms and hug him until Tony didn’t want Bruce anymore, but him instead.  

Tony chuckled.  How fucking ironic.  The man who he wanted to love him for him being just Tony wanted him to explain it in exquisite detail.  This might kill him if the fucking apocalypse coming didn’t.  

“Please Tony?”  Steve asked again.  “I want to know.”  

“You’d probably understand this better than the others.  I want to be loved for me.”  He looked up into Steve’s eyes and gave him a wry grin.  “Not for the fact that I’m a billionaire, or a playboy, or a genius.”  

“Or a philanthropist.”  Steve added, wanting to see Tony smile.  That quick grin made his stomach flop and he wanted to hug Tony tightly against him.  

“I find that being the other three tend to get you laid more.  But yeah.  I mean, that’s who I am, right?  But, I just...”  Tony trailed off and tangled his fingers in his hair.  “I need some alcohol to be talking about this honestly, but fuck.  If the world’s ending, why not?  I don’t want people to care about that stuff.  Any of it.  The real me just-”

“Spends eighty percent of his time in his lab, barely surfacing for food and water.  Lives on a simply unhealthy amount of coffee, and would rather wear a pair of ratty sweatpants and tank top that shows off the arc reactor rather than a suit that costs more than most people make in three months?”  Steve smiled and his heart ached.  It was twisting in his chest.  

Tony’s voice dropped to a whisper.  “Yeah.  I mean, fuck, I’ve got serious Daddy issues, and I know you were friends with Howard, and I’m sorry, but he was just never fucking there.  I have serious PTSD issues due to being a captive in Afghanistan for three months, the second version of the arc reactor nearly killed me, and hey, I’m a superhero in what little spare time I have.”  He shrugged.  “No one can deal with one of those things, let alone all of them.  No one should have to.  It’s why I left Pepper.”  

He cleared his throat.  “I know you understand.  Because I’m sure you dealt with the same thing.  You wanted people to love you for being something other than ‘Captain America’, the tour icon and World War Two propaganda poster boy.”  Tony pulled back and turned towards the door.  It would be best to never look Steve in the face again.  Not after this.  

Steve cleared his throat.  “You’re right.”  He watched Tony stop in the doorway.  “I was an art student, before I started trying to enlist.  I’d like to find someone who loves me, not because I’m Captain America or because I’m a hero.  Maybe someone who respects that I wanted to serve our country and that I have a mouth on me, because I got into all those fights for a reason, and that I love drawing more than almost anything else in the world.”  He took in the sight of Tony’s shoulders and how they seemed to be weighed down with the entire world.  But there it was.  A road map to his heart.  Not that Tony would ever take it.  

He couldn’t look back.  He couldn’t.  Wouldn’t.  “Your friends already see you that way Steve.  I’m sure you’ll find someone you love who sees you that way too.”  Tony didn’t wait for him to respond this time.  He was already dangerously close to having his feelings spew all over the place, right in the middle of the helicarrier.  He straightened his spine and headed down to the bay where he kept the suit.  They had work to do.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Where do you think you are going Stark?”  Fury called out, watching him stalk past the rest of them on the bridge.  

Tony turned to Fury, raising an eyebrow.  “You think I was joking about evacuating the eastern seaboard?  I am going down there to help.  Stay here in your fortress if you want.  But I will not stay here and watch.”  

“You think saving as many people as you can is going to keep the death of the rest off of your conscience?”  

“We don’t have a choice!”  Tony snarled, glaring at Fury.  

“Because you have yet to give us one.  You have the answer to all of this.  To make it even better, you know the answer, but you refuse to tell us what it is.”  

“Director, if it was as easy as me looking at someone and telling them ‘I love you, please love me back’, believe me, it would have been the first thing I did.  It doesn’t work like that.”  Tony looked at Bruce and saw the frown on his face.  “Now, I am going to help with the evacuations that we have started.”  

Nick Fury looked at Tony Stark for a long moment.  The man was almost vibrating with tension.  He was expecting a fight and was preparing himself for one.  “You are certain Stark?”  

Tony sighed.  “Yes.”  He missed Steve, he missed the almost-hug in the empty conference room, knowing those baby blues were looking at him, worried about him.  It made his heart ache and the arc reactor felt heavier in his chest.  “I’m sure.”  

“Then go.”  

 

 

 

 

The next thirty-six hours were hell.  No matter how much coffee he had, the pounding at his temples wouldn’t recede.  He hadn’t slept.  He had not been able to do anything but try to warn people.  To tell them to get out.  Barely anyone was leaving.  He wanted to scream in frustration.  More than one person had looked at him and said that they trusted him to save them.  

He tried to explain.  That it was his fault this was going to happen.  That the last thing he wanted was to see any of them be hurt in this aftermath.  They all still smiled at him.  

“Iron Man, bring it in.”  

The sound of Steve’s voice was awful.  Especially breaking into his thoughts like this.  He sounded like he hadn’t slept either.  “There are still people-”

“Tony.”  

He stopped.  It sounded too much like Pepper’s ‘Tony’ from earlier.  “All right.”  Tony turned and made his way back to the helicarrier.  Might as well serve to have a front seat to the end of the eastern seaboard.  At least Pepper was safe.  Pepper and Happy and Rhodey.  They were all safe.  And Steve.  Steve was safe.  Steve would hate him for this, whether he wanted to or not.  For the rest of his life.  It would be awful, but maybe it would be enough to knock him out of love.  

Steve sighed and slumped against the computer in front of him.  Tony was coming in at last.  His crusade had been painful to watch.  Meanwhile, the SHIELD R&D department was trying to figure out a way to stop the curse.  Steve wanted to shake Bruce and tell him to see what a wonderful thing he had in front of him, something he had to take advantage of before something happened.  

 

 

He expected Steve to be waiting for him in the hanger.  Instead it was Bruce, calmly standing there with his hands in his pockets.  Tony cracked a smile as the armor peeled off of him.  “Expected you to hightail it out of here.  Not exactly the stress-less environment you aim for.”  

Bruce shrugged.  “Didn’t have anywhere else to go.”

“Heh.  Yeah.  Me neither.”  Tony shrugged back and smiled.  

He took a slow breath and rocked back on his heels for a moment, studying Tony in the unitard that he wore under the Iron Man suit.  “Are you going to tell him?”  

“Tell who what?”  Tony asked, picking up the briefcase.

“Steve.  That you love him.  Want to marry him and have his Stark-babies.”  Bruce dead-panned, falling into step with Tony.  

“I am having no mans babies, thank you very much!”  Tony said archly.  Nevermind that he was now imagining a young girl with his hair and Steve’s eyes running around Stark Tower, calling him Dad and Steve “Pa”.  His heart tightened in his chest again, making it harder to breathe.  

“Are you going to tell him Tony?”  Bruce asked again, smiling a little as Tony frowned at him.  

“Of course I’m not going to tell him.  That would defeat the whole purpose of him wanting to want me for ME then.  He’d just say it all for the sake of saving the world.  So it wouldn’t be what I really want.”  Tony sighed and glanced at Bruce.  

Bruce looked back.  “He deserves to know.”  

Tony sighed.  “I will not put that kind of pressure on him.  He doesn’t need to know that he was involved with this whole...thing.  At all.  I refuse to.”  

“So you will take it all on yourself.”  Bruce crossed his arms and frowned.  “Tony.”  

“Why is everyone pulling out their ‘Tony’ voices today?!  You, Pepper, Steve, Fury, shit, you’d think that I have been a naughty child!”  

“You’re certainly acting a bit like one.”  

“Did you just-”  

“Hey Tony, can I talk to you for a minute?”  Steve interrupted what looked like a serious conversation between Tony and Bruce, hating himself for it.  Maybe if he left them alone, they would be able to figure this out on their own.  Maybe he was only going to add to Tony’s troubles.  But, he deserved to know.  To understand.

Tony glanced up at Steve and winced.  He nodded.  “All right.”  Dread settled into the pit of his stomach.  He looked at the clock up on the wall.  Two hours left before the eastern seaboard went up in smoke.  Or maybe no smoke.  How would Asgardian magic destroy an entire coast? Maybe it would be a tidal wave.  If so, maybe there was a way to counteract the shockwave that would have to cause it, unless it was magic, and fuck he HATED magic and everything it stood for, especially in this-

“Tony.”  Steve crossed his arms and looked at Tony before turning and heading deeper into the helicarrier.

Ouch.  He deserved the Captain America voice for that one.  He followed Steve down into the bowels of the helicarrier and into another small room, complete with a shower and bed.  Steve’s quarters.  

“I asked Clint and Natasha to debug the room, so we could have this conversation in relative privacy.”  Steve took a deep breath and shut the door behind Tony.  

“What’s up Cap?  Shouldn’t we be clock-watching with the rest of them?”    

“It’s not doing us any good.”  Steve said with a small shrug, moving into the middle of the room, watching Tony as he closed the door behind him.  

Tony took a deep breath and squared his shoulders, looking up at Steve.  “I suppose that is true.  So what’s up?  You dragged me down here for a reason, right?”  

He bit his lip and tried to resist fidgeting.  Tony always made him feel like pre-serum Steve, all nerves and inability to say what he wanted to when he was interested, so interested it might be more than just interest.  “Yeah, of course.”

He resisted the urge to smile at Steve.  It should be illegal for a man to be that cute.  “Wanna tell me what that reason is?”  

Steve inhaled slowly.  “Yes.  I do.  I just want you to promise you’ll hear me out.”  

He gave Steve a bemused smile.  “I’m all ears Cap, lay-”

“Steve.”  

Tony smiled a little wider.  He dropped his voice to a softer volume.  “I’m listening Steve.  Whatever you need to say.”  

He took another deep breath.  It was now or never.  Literally.  “I know I’m not the person you’re in love with.”  Steve forced himself to ignore the surprised look on Tony’s face, deciding to stare at his chin instead.  His chin and that ridiculous goatee. That was really just so Tony he couldn't help but love it.  “But I want you to know.  I know who it is.  Kinda obvious when you really think about it.  And pay attention.”  He glanced up at Tony, seeing the still-stunned look on his face, and dropped his gaze back down.  

“S-Steve-”

“Let me finish Tony, please?”  Quick breath of air, keep going.  “Look.  Not trying to save the world or anything, well, I am but, you’re just as important, but I...well, I overheard you and Pepper.  I’m sorry that Bruce hasn’t figured it out yet.  How amazing you really are, but I-”

“Bruce?  Steve, what-”

“You were gonna let me finish, right Tony?” Steve looked down at him again and took another deep breath.  He clenched his hands into fists, not wanting them to shake.  “I just, I wanted you to know, that even though it isn’t me you’re in love with, someone does see you like that.  As just...Tony.  The engineer who drinks too much coffee, eats too many donuts and hides how much of a swell guy he is behind cynicism and smart-ass comments.  Not the billionaire, not the playboy, not the genius, and not the philanthropist.  Tony.” His Tony.  That was true at the basest of it all.  That was what HE wanted.  "Just Tony." He whispered.

"You called me 'swell'." Tony whispered, his eyes wide as he stared at Steve.

Steve gave him a helpless smile. "You are swell Tony. And amazing and brilliant, and everything you say you are. I wish that I could make Bruce see you like I-" He bit down on his lip and fought a groan. He sounded like a dame.

That smile was blinding. It was sweet and exasperated and seemed to be a smile just for him. For Tony. Except he seemed to be of the very mistaken opinion that he was in love with Bruce. "Like you what...?"

Well. There was no hiding from it after that. Plain and simple. "Like I do Tony."

Tony stopped.  His whole body felt frozen, there were no additional thoughts bouncing around his head. Everything was focused on Steve and Steve’s words and his eyes and the way he was smiling, and it was so sad and he wanted to comfort Steve and apologize for anything he possibly could.  Steve, who thought he was in love with Bruce, that he wanted Bruce and that Bruce didn’t want him back and oh god.  The world was going to end and he was standing here with what was probably the stupidest look on his face because he couldn’t say anything.  Because there it all was.  Everything he wanted.  He was being handed it by accident.  It didn’t seem real.  It couldn’t be real.  It wasn’t.  These things didn’t happen to him.  People like Steve didn’t happen to him.  Who saw him for him and not Anthony Stark.  Who wanted Tony.  

He cleared his throat.  There were no thoughts.  Still.  His mind felt heavy and blank and awful.  “Why do you think I am in love with Bruce?”

“I...”  Steve blinked, confused.  “Aren’t you?”

“I will answer that in a second.  I asked first.  You answer me.”  Tony said, his heart pounding far too fast.  This wasn’t healthy.  Couldn’t be healthy.  Yet here he was.  

Steve gave a small shrug.  “You two are always together.  You always understand each other.  I mean...”  He glanced at Tony and smiled.  “I don’t understand half of the things you say sometimes.  Bruce always does.  You’re brilliant together.  He can keep up with you and your ideas and everything else.”  

Steve thought he was in love with Bruce.  Tony wanted to laugh, but the last thing any of this was was funny.  

“Just, don’t give up Tony.  None of us will blame you for this and what happens with-”

“That’s not right, and you know it.”  Tony muttered, crossing his arms.  “Everyone is going to blame me, because-”

“I won’t blame you.”  Steve whispered, stepping forward.  He cupped Tony’s face in his hands and tilted his face up to look at him.  “You can’t control whether someone loves you or not.  Or whether you love someone.”  He tried a smile for Tony, but he knew that it wasn’t like one of his normal ones.  “Believe me, I know.”  

“Steve...”  Was that his voice?  Did he really sound like that?  Steve’s eyes were so blue and so bright and all he wanted was to kiss him, kiss him and never stop.  Tell him that it wasn’t Bruce he was in love with and never had been.  

Steve leaned closer and pressed his lips to Tony’s forehead.  “Hey Tony?”  He breathed out against his hairline, watching the small hairs move.  

Oh god, he was trembling.  He was shaking and he couldn’t stop.  Tony reached out to Steve, touching his waist, curling his fingers in the plaid shirt tucked so carefully into pressed chinos.  Steve’s hands were so big and gentle and he could still feel Steve’s lips where they had pressed into his forehead.  “Y-yeah Steve?”  

“We’re hovering over the east coast, aren’t we?”  

Tony did a quick mental calculation after a glance outside.  “Yeah.”  

“That means we’re in the direct line of fire for whatever’s gonna happen in an hour, right?”

“Yeah.”  

“All right...”  Steve leaned closer, resting his lips against Tony’s hair.  He clenched his eyes shut so he didn’t have to look at Tony.  “Could, could I kiss you?  Just once?  Just so I could-”

He interrupted before he could think too hard on it.  “Yeah.”  

Steve was surprised, but it didn’t matter to him.  He could smell Tony, feel almost every single inch of him.  “Okay.”  He was going to make this right.  Kiss Tony properly, like he deserved.  “You’re beautiful.”  Steve whispered, bending down a little more, his hands reaching out to pull Tony close.  He pressed another kiss to his forehead, then kissed slowly down the bridge of his nose, kissing both of his cheeks before Steve tilted Tony’s mouth up and breathed against his lips.  

“Steve...”  Tony didn’t know if he was begging or moaning, but he felt torn down and ripped apart by Steve’s gentleness.  

That was enough.  Enough for him to forget about taking this gentle and the way Tony deserved.  To hear Tony say his name like he was desperate for the kiss, for him, even if he had imagined it, it was hotter than it had any right to be.  He leaned down and kissed Tony, hard.  He didn’t care.  This would be his only chance to kiss Tony, he was going to make this count.  Steve put gentle pressure on Tony’s jaw and felt his mouth fall open.  

He should have pulled back, respected Tony, respected what he wanted.  Instead, Steve decided he would make sure that Tony would know how he felt, how much he needed him.  He kept Tony pulled tightly against him, and kissed him until he knew that Tony would have to  breathe.  Steve let their mouths fall apart, panting softly.  He forced his arms to let go next and stepped away from Tony.  “I’m sorry Tony.”  He didn’t look at Tony as he walked towards the door.  He couldn’t.  Not after that kiss.  

“Wait, Steve.”  Tony tried to think, but holy shit his brain was still scrambled.  He tried to think of the last time a little making out had gotten him to nearly half mast.  He needed to explain.  “Did you mean it?  What you said?  About me?”  He winced.  That sounded so needy.  

He took a deep breath, but he couldn’t turn around and look at Tony.  Not yet.  “What are you talking about Tony?”  

He bit his lip.  “About me.  Being...just Tony.  That you wanted me like that.  Did...did you mean it?”  

Steve sighed.  “Of course I meant it Tony.  I wouldn’t have said it if I didn’t.  Why?”  

“Because it’s you.”

He turned around and looked at Tony.  “What?”  Tony seemed uncomfortable and was squirming in place.  

“Not Bruce.  I couldn’t...we’re bros.  I mean, he’s got a torch for his wife.  A pretty solid one.  I might be bringing her in to work for Stark Industries to surprise him.  And he knew, that I was pretty much gone for someone, I mean, for you.”  Tony fidgeted and stared down at the floor.  Steve was quiet, why was he quiet, what was going on?  What was he thinking?  Why wasn’t he doing something?  Saying anything?  

Steve blinked in confusion at Tony.  “Me?  Why would you want me?”  

Tony looked up at Steve and walked closer to him.  He took a deep breath.  “Why wouldn’t I?  You try to take care of me and make sure I eat and sleep right.  You just told me that you care about me as me, not anything about who I pretend to be.”  He looked down at the floor after a moment.  “No one bothers to...care about that.”  

“Tony-”

“I mean it.  I mean, I don’t think you get it.  That’s my whole thing.  That’s why I can never have what I want.  Because, I mean, it’s you.  So the idea of you ever liking me, impossible, right?  And then, on top of all of that, the idea that you would like me without the world ending, even more impossible, right?  And I mean, I’m Tony Stark.  All I am is a billionaire, genius, playboy, philanthropist, who has a shiny toy that he likes to show off, so who would ever bother to look past all of that?”  

“Tony!”

“So see what I mean?  All of it?  Never going to happen.”  Tony sighed and stomped away from Steve.  “That’s the maddening thing about all of this.  I want it, but I know I can’t have it, I certainly don’t deserve it, so I mean, fuck.  What am I supposed to do?  Even if we try and do this whole thing, there’s no guarantee I won’t fuck it up.  Hell, I might even go so far as to say that I will fuck it up.  This is me after all!”

Steve sighed.  “Tony...”

“You can sigh and give me that awful face all you want, but I know I’m right and-”

He grabbed Tony’s shoulders, spun him around and pressed him back against the wall of the helicarrier.  “Tony.”

“What?!”  Tony snapped.  

He gave Tony a helpless smile.  “Why are we even arguing?”  Steve leaned closer and pressed their foreheads together, staring into Tony’s eyes, how they immediately appeared scared and so much younger.  “I just told you that I’m in love with you Tony.  I am in love with you, okay?”  He stroked his thumbs over Tony’s cheeks and smiled at him.  “You, Tony.  The part of you that will spend all day in your labs with Bruce on a new experiment, the one that forgets to eat, that hates newspaper and magazine articles done on you.  The you that thinks you are only a genius, billionaire, playboy and philanthropist when you are so, so much more than that.”  

Tony surged up and into Steve’s arms, wrapping them around his shoulders, hugging him tighter and pressing closer to him.  He hid his face in Steve’s neck and pressed himself against every inch of super soldier that he could.  “Just so we’re clear...I’m in love with you too.”  He admitted, his heart pounding uncomfortably.  God, he wanted Steve so badly.  

Steve smiled at Tony.  “I’m going to kiss you again.”  

There was only one thing to say to that.  “Please.”  

When he kissed Tony this time, there was no hesitance and no holding back.  He kissed Tony as hard and as fast as he wanted to.  The surrender was incredible.  All he wanted was more.  Tony melted against him, pressing tighter, closer, every inch of his body pressed against his.  

“Fuck Steve, who taught you to kiss?”  Tony panted out when Steve finally pulled back.  

Steve smiled.  “I’ve got a few other tricks up my sleeve.  I can happily show you those instead of kissing you again.”  

“Fuck that!”  Tony reached up and tangled his fingers into blonde hair that was begging to be tugged on.  “Come here and kiss me and don’t stop kissing me until I fucking say so, got it?”  

He laughed and nodded, staring at Tony’s lips.  “Yes sir.  Right away sir.  No problem sir.”  

Tony’s mouth dropped open a fraction.  “I think you single-handedly just gave me a military kink.  Holy fuck!”  

Steve’s eyes darkened and he stared at Tony.  “Fuck is one word we could use to describe it, yes.”  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Loki sighed and stood up.  “Attention Director Fury.  As entertaining as these games have been for me, I am afraid it is time to take my leave.  Your world will live to fight another day.”  He gave a slow bow and smirked at their surprised faces.  “Thank you for your hospitality, though it is somewhat lacking.”  He faded out of existence and spared Director Fury one last smirk.  His job here was done for the moment.  Now Thor would have nothing to hold over him.  

**Author's Note:**

> Hate it? Love it? Did I have someone remove their shirt twice? Let me know!
> 
> Comments and Criticisms welcome!
> 
> You can find me here: http://aria-lerendeair.tumblr.com/
> 
> You can also watch me write fics like this (and dozens of others) live! Follow me on Livestream for fics, shenanigans and a general all-around awesome time! http://new.livestream.com/accounts/7212317


End file.
